1) Be prepared to walk…and walk…and walk some more. No matter how big you think the hotels and casinos are, they’re bigger. The scale of the place is truly mind boggling. And even though the pictures make it look like everything is lined up in a neat little row, it would literally take you hours to walk from one end of the strip to the other. On our first day we made the mistake of walking down to the Mirage wearing flip flops. By the time we got back to our hotel I had blisters all over my feet. Our ongoing joke in Vegas was that no matter where you stood on the strip you were either in front of or across from Caesar’s Palace, and that the Mirage was literally just that. Every time it seemed like we were almost there it would recede a bit further into the distance. (Picture that scene in the Holy Grail where Lancelot is trying to storm the castle to rescue Prince Hubert.)
2) Don’t try to save money on hotels. In Las Vegas there are some really nice casinos and some really crappy ones, and the price difference between the two isn’t much. As I mentioned before, each of the major hotels is about a city block long, so you might as well spend the extra $30 a night and stay somewhere nice. And unlike hotels in the rest of the country, themey doesn’t necessarily mean tacky in Vegas. One of the nicest places we saw was the Venetian, which (obviously) is designed to look like the city of Venice. My personal ranking from nicest to junkiest hotels goes like this:
- Venetian and Bellagio
- MGM Grand and Mirage
- Caesar’s Palace and Paris
- Luxor and New York New York
- Excalibur, Harrahs and the Hilton
Of course there are many casinos not listed above, these were just the ones we happened to visit. We stayed at the MGM Grand and really enjoyed it. However, if we go back I would probably opt to stay in the main hotel rather than the West Wing. Although the rooms were nice and had an interesting modern decor, the hallways were dark and the elevators smelled vaguely like sulfur.
3) Set a gambling budget for yourself and strictly adhere to it. Slot machines are literally everywhere (even in the airport) so opportunities to blow your life savings on games with names like “Alien Outlaw” abound. $20 a person will provide you with hours of fun on the penny slots, and whether you win or lose you won’t walk away feeling ripped off.
4) If you don’t see any other sights, make sure you see the fountains at the Bellagio at night and the canals at the Venetian during the day. They’re iconic Vegas images for a reason and DEFINITELY worth seeing. However, the outdated animatronics at the fire and lights show in Caesar’s Palace can be missed, as can the Lions at the MGM Grand. (Unless of course you’ve never been to a zoo)
5) Do not bring your children. For all the PR Vegas has done in the last decade about becoming a family friendly vacation destination, its still not an appropriate place for kids. Aside from the drunken antics of business men and college kids alike, visitors will also be exposed to a number of video billboards previewing local burlesque and peep shows. And a short stroll down the strip will afford you more pornographic imagery than a lifetime subscription to Playboy magazine ever could, care of a seedy troop of neon T-shirt wearing peddlers. Each peddler carries a thick stack of ‘business cards’ for local ‘escorts’ and as you pass they flick the cards with their fingers to get your attention. When you don’t pick up the card they simply drop it at your feet, which is why the streets themselves are covered with illicit images. When we were walking outside of Paris we saw a little boy stop to tie his shoes, only to be ridiculed ruthlessly by his preteen sisters. The sight was so troubling that we took the monorail to neighboring casinos from that point forward.
6) Take in a show. We got free tickets to the Cirque du Soliel show “Love” as part of our travel package. Love is full of amazing acrobatics, beautiful dances and impressive special effects all set to Beatles music. There are speakers in front and on either side of every chair in the auditorium, which gives you the sense of being inside the music. It was really one of the most moving shows I’ve ever seen. However, if you don’t happen to be a Beatles fan I would recommend seeing Ka or O instead. And if you don’t happen to be a fan of music in general, I hear Barry Manilow and the Osmonds have Vegas shows as well.
7) Save yourself some embarrassment and don’t touch the statues. There’s a good chance its really just a street performer who has painted his entire body and is standing perfectly still.
8 ) Be prepared for a very bumpy take-off and landing at McCarran International Airport. Apparently it has something to do with the surrounding mountains and rapid altitude change. The day we left there were damaging winds sweeping though the city. I spent the first 5 minutes of our flight boring holes into Chris’ palm with my fingernails and telling God I wanted to live.
9) Eat and drink off the strip. Now of course this little piece of advice is not at all convenient if, like us, you didn’t happen to rent a car. But man will it ever save you some money if you are trying to do your trip on the cheap. The average price for a hamburger in the casinos is around $16 and the average price for a cocktail is around $12. For our part, we ended up eating at the low rate chain restaurants during the day and splurging on dinner at night. But I have it on good authority that had we ventured a bit further off the strip we would have found reasonably priced food.
10) And last but not least… people watch, people watch, people watch. On the first day of our stay we saw 3 Elvis impersonators, 2 show girls, 4 brides (2 of whom were walking down the strip holding plastic souvenir cocktail cups and wearing poofy white wedding gowns), and an obviously partied out college girl sound asleep at a slot machine in the middle of a busy casino.
In Chris’ words, “Vegas is a city where you’d have to work really hard to get in trouble.” Its a place where just about everything seems to be allowed, so people just do in public all the things that they do in private at home. Its crazy, its gaudy, its Chuck E Cheese for maturity stunted adults – and in my opinion, its totally worth seeing at least once in your lifetime!
Happy Birthday Benny, my crazy little two year old boy!
