August « 2009 « Katie S. 28

Archive for August, 2009

Being Enough

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

Several months ago I was in a place of extreme discontent. I felt constantly frustrated with my circumstances and struggled to see the meaning in what I was doing on a day to day basis. I am ashamed to say that this frustration carried over into the way that I viewed and spoke to my children and my husband, and it definitely colored the way that I saw myself.

I was wasting so much time thinking about what else I should be doing, what use of my time and energy would give me the sense of purpose that I was craving. I was attempting to define myself and I was failing to see the amazing plan and purpose that God had already laid before me.

I shared these feelings with a dear friend of mine one day at the park. In response she asked me a simple question. “Have you prayed and asked God to give you peace within your circumstances?”

I had not. I had prayed and asked God to change my circumstances, to give me something more than what he already had, but I had not asked Him to simply change me. My friend then reminded me that I have an enemy who does not want me to know peace. He would delight in my destruction and he knows that the best way to accomplish that is to blind me to the truth.

So I started praying. Doubtfully at first, still somewhat convinced that an external rather than an internal change was in order. But as time went by, I began to feel God doing exactly what He promised me He would do in His word. He is removing the scales from my eyes, He is reminding me that He is in control and that my life is not defined by what I do or don’t do but rather by what has already been done for me.

I feel as if I am being given fresh eyes for my life and the many blessing I have been given. And while I still may not be constantly aware of the eternal significance of what God is doing in and through me at all times (particularly when I am say, emptying the dishwasher for the 11th time this week or changing a dirty diaper in the middle of a toy scattered floor) I am seeing more and more glimpses of the beauty that is all around me. I am enjoying my time with my children immensely, marveling at how they interact with one another and the world around them. I am feeling deeply thankful for the love that is extended to me by my friends, my family and by the amazing partner that God has blessed me with. And I am feeling a peace that I still can’t fully articulate. I know that God has me where I am, home with my children, working as a waitress, living in Nashville TN, for a reason. I know that His plans for me are not complete yet, but I also know that He is not waiting around to see what I will make of my life. That pressure I was feeling to do more, to be more, was not from Him, and I am so thankful that He is daily reminding me of His sufficiency.

Posted in Things I'm Learning | 1 Comment »

Ferris Wheels and Simple Machines

Friday, August 21st, 2009

Corbin and I are very into Sid The Science Kid lately (7:30a.m. on PBS).

Here is why:

Posted in Speaking of My Children..., Travel, videos | 2 Comments »

Motherhood

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009

Corbin is now on day 10 of a very bad virus. He has lost a significant amount of weight, which if you’ve seen the child, you know he could not afford to lose. His pajama pants fall down as soon as you pull them up, his knees are knobby and his head looks disproportionate to the rest of his body. His lips are perpetually chapped, and he has no more than 10 minutes worth of energy to exert before he collapses in a heap, grumpy and exhausted. I have taken him to see a doctor, I have talked the circumstances of his condition over with several phone nurses. They all seem to agree that he just needs more time to recover.

Every mother who has seen him, or even just heard about what has been going on has said the same thing. “There is nothing worse than having a sick kid.” This is truth in its purest form. I have been walking around for the last two and a half weeks (Bennett had a slightly less violent version of what we assume to be the same virus the week before Corbin got it) feeling like I cannot breathe, like I may involuntarily swallow my own tongue at any moment. I have acne all over my face, I have gained five pounds and the circles under my eyes make me look like I haven’t slept in a year.

Nothing feels right or OK, and I fear that it won’t until he is better. And not just the, “He ate most of his PB and J tonight,” kind of better. But totally and completely, making up songs about the time his brother bit him (he did not but for some reason this is the theme of many a Corbin ballad) and asking to go outside so he might catch a glimpse of Taylor, the seven year old blond girl from up the street, better.

Obviously I can’t help but think about those other mothers, the ones who are infinitely stronger than I could ever hope to be. The ones whose children are chronically ill and who soldier on, (of course its not as if they have any choice but to soldier on) but who do it with a sense of grace and acceptance for something that is the very definition of agony and discomfort. I am realizing that I really have no emotional place to put that. I have no idea what it is to worry as they worry, to fight for the things that they have to fight for. I am simply in awe of the depths of motherhood and the lung crushing love that it entails.

Posted in Babble On, Things I'm Learning | No Comments »

On The Subject of:

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

Sickness: Bennett had a stomach virus last week. I had it over the weekend, and Corbin has had it for the last 4 days. If I never smell the pungent aroma of vomit again, it will still be too soon.

Door to door salesmen: When a woman is outside alone with her young children it is in your best interest to approach very cautiously. Try to avoid making the same mistake that a certain young man made this very afternoon while wandering into my yard carrying a clip board. He first addressed my children, speaking to them with an air of familiarity that I found oddly disconcerting. He then crouched down next to me in the flower bed where I was weeding and began his rather aggressive sales pitch for extermination services. I curtly informed him that my husband sprays our home for bugs and that we have no problems with household pests (a complete lie), and thanked him for stopping by. Now had the young man simply thanked me for my time or even asked to leave a card with me should our needs change, I might have actually considered looking into his services at a later date. But instead he quickly moved onto an obviously rehearsed speech about the inefficiencies of home improvement store products such as the ones my husband was doubtlessly using. At this point my patience ran out and I asked him to remove himself from my property.

The encounter left me wondering, does this tactic – in these circumstances, ever really work? Because regardless of my pest control needs, the simple fact of the matter is this: When I am alone with my children, particularly outside, all of my defenses and/or mama bear instincts are up. Which means that the only safe and or effective way to approach me would have been to politely say hello from the sidewalk and ask if he might leave a business card or some literature that I can look over at a more convenient time. maybe this isn’t true for everyone, maybe I’m just mistrustful of strange men carrying clip-boards, but either way it was a total sales fail.

Black rustic looking corner cabinets: I am looking for one for our dining room.

Posted in Babble On, Our House | 2 Comments »

Three Year Old Theology

Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

Corbin and I went on a little mommy/son date tonight. On the drive home we saw a hot air balloon in the sky and this exchange took place:

Me- Corb look at that hot air balloon!

Corb-Yeah, cool! But I can’t really see it because Jesus is making the sun too bright and it hurts my eyes. He’s feeling grumpy so I think his father is gonna have to put him it time out.

Posted in Kid Quotes | No Comments »

A Bee Keeping Mission

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

Its pretty common knowledge that there are maintenance costs involved in home ownership. In the three years since we have taken possession of our home we have replaced most of the kitchen appliances, all of the light fixtures and door knobs and painted almost every room. We were not surprised when we had to hire someone to replace the coils on our garage door opener, and we did not balk at the cost when the guy who came out to fix the air conditioning gave us our bill. But last week we incurred a home maintenance cost that we absolutely, positively, never in a million years, could not have anticipated.

That unexpected cost (as you’ve probably gathered from the title of this post) was a bee keeper. It seems that a swarm of honey bees has built a rather large hive in the joist over our kitchen window, and no amount of spray, tampering and otherwise life risking efforts from my ‘do it yourself hubby’ can convince the little buggers to relocate. Enter the bee keeper. This particular gentleman is an associate of my mother in law’s who knows just about everything you could ever want to know about honey bee culture. He has informed us that the bees will not bother us unless we mess with their house – at which point they will become terribly hostile. So the only safe way to extract the bee population from their kitchen club house is to lure them out with honey.

So Mr. Bee Keeper has constructed a 12 foot high, rather elaborate home away from home complete with netted tubing right in our very own back yard. Assuming his plan works and the bees do choose to relocate, he will then remove the existing hive and block the point of entrance. He will then take the bees (who in theory will be happily nestled into their new make shift home) back to his farm where he will profit from their honey. And all of this for the low low price of $300! I mean we were going to buy a new oven this month, but bee removal is just so much cooler, don’t you think?

Posted in Our House | 2 Comments »

Katie S. 28