I am an external, knee-jerk processor. While a wise individual might keep their thoughts to themselves and allow time to adjust their perspective, I (a decidedly unwise individual) invite any and everyone who will listen into each stage of my thought process. I also have a tendency to present abstract ideas as if they are concrete possibilities and then never revisit the topic again. I realize that I am particularly guilty of this practice as it pertains to this blog and I am now resolved to make amends. A few weeks ago I put up a post about my desire to find an outlet that did not involve my children. I love them dearly, but I was beginning to feel like what they were getting from me was more quantity and less quality and I quite honestly did not feel at peace. After a great deal of prayer and discussion, I decided to take on a part time job. My friend Amy put in a good word for me at the restaurant where she works and I am now serving tables three nights a week. Although I did not anticipate that serving people food would be the outlet I would need, I have to say that the entire experience has been a wonderful blessing so far. Working only during the evenings means that Chris can be at home with the boys. And we firmly believe that extra time with their loving and attentive father can be nothing but healthy for our children. I am finally contributing to our family financially, and no matter how small that contribution may be, for some reason it seems to give me a profound sense of accomplishment. I have also been surprised to find that serving tables is a rather relaxing change of pace. Little things like a spilled drink or the wrong side items going out seem pretty trivial in light of the things that cause me anxiety during my day. While I may be responsible for whether or not a glass of sweet tea gets below the half way point, I am not responsible for whether or not the person drinking the tea makes it to the bathroom on time, eats more vegetables than bread or sits up in their chair like a big boy. During the day I worry about things like whether or not my children feel safe and loved, what kind of schools they should attend and what kind of people they will grow up to be. When I am at work I worry only about how many more rolls of silverware I need to roll or whether or not I remembered to ask that last table if they wanted biscuits or cornbread. I honestly feel like getting this small break several nights a week is giving me renewed energy to tackle the discipline issues, change the stinky diapers and build the Lincoln log cabins that constitute my day job. I find that I have more patience with the boys lately because I know that there will soon be a change of pace and environment, and I have a renewed excitement to get to spend the day with them on the mornings after I work because I have had a chance to really miss them.
So that is the job update…..and now for the school one! I am also in the process of applying for a Master of Arts in Special Education program at a university here in town. The courses are geared toward people with full time jobs and are held primarily on nights and weekends. I am excited and nervous to start this new adventure (hopefully in the fall) and I am praying for God’s timing in terms of when to start classes, take the necessary license tests and do my student teaching. These boys will be little for such a short amount of time and I don’t want to miss things because I was too busy getting ahead of myself. I believe that God is revealing another part of his plan for my life, and I also believe that he has the timing of it mapped out perfectly already. In the mean time I am very thankful for the outlet he has provided me with and the new eyes that he has given me for these lovable, delightful, crazy little boys!
