Recently some friends of ours took us out for a meal. When the check came to the table I quickly commenced with the obligatory protests of, “no no no, let us pay,” and, “please guys, you really don’t have to do that,” while Chris just sat there quietly. When we got into the car I felt compelled to ask him why he hadn’t argued over the check with our friends like I had, and his answer was very convicting. He explained to me that the way he saw it, our friends were trying to bless us and that having the opportunity to bless and be blessed by the people you care about is a wonderful privilege that God gives us. He said that having been on both the giving and receiving end of a kind gesture, he felt like sometimes the best thing to do when someone is trying to bless you is simply to receive with a thankful heart. (I believe his exact words were, “sometimes we just need to shut up and be grateful.”) Chris very kindly did not point out the fault in my own reaction to the situation, but as I have mulled over his words I am realizing that I wasn’t really showing my gratitude by protesting. What I was really showing was false humility. Rather than simply telling our friends how much I appreciated their kindness and generosity, I wanted to make sure they understood that I didn’t expect it. I attempted to ease my embarrassment by resolving to myself that we would return the favor the first chance we got. But the fact is, our friends were not trying to do us a favor. They were not striking a deal with us or trying to impress us, they were being kind and expecting nothing in return. We live in a culture that so highly values self sufficiency and independence, that I think many of us have forgotten how to humble ourselves enough to simply receive. This is tragically in opposition to the Gospel. The Gospel is not about us buying or earning anything. Its about humbly receiving a costly gift that is freely given. I know that blessing is one of the ways we are able to show Jesus to one another. But perhaps it also follows that rightly receiving is one of the ways we are reminded that we do not earn the gifts that our heavenly father lavishes upon us.
Archive for February, 2008
Receiving
Sunday, February 24th, 2008Confessions of a Pregnant Woman
Sunday, February 17th, 2008
OK so the first one is a picture of me at 26 weeks pregnant and the second was taken at around 29. I’m posting these because I do have some desire to capture my last pregnancy on film, but honestly I’ve never been big on the pregnant belly pictures, mostly because I’ve never been big on the whole ‘lets commemorate me getting fat’ thing. Truth be told, I’m pretty terrible at being pregnant, and its not just because I am completely bedridden for the first four months. I just don’t seem to experience any of those warm fuzzies that so many women talk about. I don’t glow, I have hot flashes. I’m not emotional, I’m psychotic. I don’t feel feminine and curvy, I feel like a beached whale. And instead of giggling and smiling when I feel the baby kick I have a tendency to get annoyed at the discomfort he’s causing me. In fact, if I’m going to be totally honest here, when Bennett moves and the entire shape of my stomach changes before my very eyes I get this panicky feeling like maybe its not a baby at all that I am carrying but rather some sort of alien life form that is determined to destroy me from the inside out. Those are the times when I get a bit desperate to just ‘get it out’. I get overwhelmed by the desire to be done and to have my body back. I’m pretty big on personal space so having somebody camped out in my abdomen is frankly just too close for comfort. I wonder what that says about me as a woman and a mother. I am absolutely over the moon crazy about Corbin and I get so excited thinking about what it will be like to meet Bennett face to face, but I can’t help but feel like maybe I should be treasuring the experience of being pregnant for the last time. I can get a little sad at the thought of never having another newborn after Bennett, or never giving birth to a biological daughter, but I just can’t seem to muster up any emotion other than relief at the thought of never personally carrying another child. In my heart I know that pregnancy is a miracle and a blessing, but I guess maybe the actual process by which this particular miracle takes place isn’t quite as serene and euphoric as I had imagined it would be.
There Are No Words
Wednesday, February 13th, 2008What is it they say about men and women having different word quotas for each day? Through most of our marriage it would have been safe to say that I had at least three times more words left over than Chris did by the evening. We would get into bed at night and I would yammer on about anything and everything that popped into my head, and then get genuinely hurt and offended when I got no reply.
It wasn’t until Corbin really started communicating a few months ago that I realized exactly how unfair it was for me to expect meaningful communication from a person who was, quite simply, out of words. My son is always talking right now, and its not the kind of delightful meandering toddler chatter that doesn’t demand a response. He is constantly challenging the things that I say and he will repeat the same inane questions over and over again until I give him an answer that fully and completely satisfies his curiosity. In a five minute period I may answer the same question 852 times in 852 different ways, but I swear the child will just keep asking it until he hears an answer that he likes. Lately our conversations are going something like this:
Corbin: “Where Nana go?”
Mommy: “She went home buddy.”
Corbin: “Where Nana go?”
Mommy: “She went home buddy.”
Corbin: “Where Nana go?”
Mommy: “She went home to see Papa Corbin.”
Corbin: “Where Nana go?”
Mommy: “Corbin I just answered that question, you know where Nana went don’t you?”
Corbin: “Nana go home see Papa.”
Mommy: “That’s right buddy, Nana went home to see Papa.”
Corbin: “Where Nana go?”
Mommy: “Buddy I think you are stuck in a loop, is it possible you may have suffered a minor stroke during nap time?”
Corbin: “Where Nana go?”
Mommy: “She went home Corbin!”
Corbin: “Where Nana go?”
Mommy: “She got into her silver Honda Pilot and drove it from our house, down Mack Hatcher and Hillsboro Road all the way to her house where she got out of the car, went inside, threw some chicken in the crock pot for dinner, checked to see if there was anything interesting on Oprah and she is now putting a load of whites into the washing machine Corbin!”
Corbin: “Where Nana go?”
Mommy: “Home Corbin.”
Corbin: “Where Nana go?”
Mommy: (now lying in a fetal position on the floor and humming to herself, ever so softly) “There never was a Nana Corbin. She was just a figment of your imagination…just like I am…and everyone knows there is no point in asking a figment of your imagination a question because the answer is already there, buried deep in your own sub-conscience.”
Corbin: “Where Nana go?”
Mommy: “Please son, for the love of all that is good and holy, stop asking me where Nana go! I beg of you, I will answer any other question under the sun that your pretty little head can dream up. Why is the sky blue? Are they ever going to do a remake of M.A.S.H.? What is the meaning of life? How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie center of a tootsie pop? Just please oh please oh please, have mercy! My scalp is tingling and I just know that if I have to answer that question one more time my hair is going to fall out in clumps, my eyes are going to roll back into my head and I’m going to start foaming at the mouth.”
Corbin: (approximately 45 seconds later) “Where Daddy go?”
So the basic point I am getting at here is that for the first time in my life, I feel like all of my words (and then some) are being spent by about three o’clock in the afternoon. So by the time my poor husband gets home from work all I can really do is stare across the kitchen table at him blankly and nod from time to time as he tells me about his day. Its quite the little role reversal we have going on around here and I have to say that I really preferred it when I was the one choosing what I wanted to talk about and when I wanted to talk about it.
Action Packed
Saturday, February 9th, 2008After being stuck in the house all last week (the 24 hour puking virus hit me for the second time around about three days after it hit Corbin) we were more than ready for a little fun and excitement this week. So on Thursday we took a trip to the Adventure Science museum with Nana and our friends Jane, Jamie and Grace Ann. Then on Friday we played at My Gym and went out to lunch with our friends Rebecca, Joshua and Andrew. We had so much fun and both of us took great naps after our activities!
