Katie S. 28

I am starting to think that Corbin might have a thing for older women. Several weeks ago we had three couples over for dinner, all of whom have sons in Corbin’s age group. After we finished eating, all the boys went up to the bonus room to play. All that is, except Corbin. As I was in the kitchen cleaning up, I noticed that my son had climbed back down the stairs and was now standing all alone in the dining room with his face pressed against the window. He had a massive grin on his face and was waving frantically. At first I couldn’t imagine what had my son so enthralled that he would completely forget about his playmates upstairs, but as I walked toward him I saw what (or rather who) was attracting his attention. Carie, our beautiful brunette neighbor from across the street, was standing out on her front lawn talking to her parents.

Awww how cute, Corbin has his first crush, right? Wrong. Surprise surprise, this mother of a boy had some concerns about the girl he had chosen. Now I can see him having a crush on a two or a three year old. Potty trained women do have a certain maturity and sophistication that is hard to deny. But this crush might just be pushing the whole ‘love knows no age’ thing a bit far. I mean really, Carie is at least eighteen years old, and has just come home from college for the summer! Not to mention the fact that she has a very large boyfriend (well, maybe not large large, but large compared to Corbin for sure) who drives a big truck with a gun rack!

So what do mothers of boys do when they are unhappy with their son’s current love interest? Why we look for an opportunity to meddle of course! And in this particular situation, I didn’t have to wait very long. Our friends Luke and Alisa came up from Atlanta and stayed with us last weekend, and they brought with them their adorable ten month old daughter Hailey. So on Saturday, as Corbin and Hailey were playing together after breakfast, I made the ‘innocent’ suggestion that Corbin should give Hailey a hug. Well much to my delight, he actually did it! He very gently put his arms around her and laid his head on her shoulder. She in turn giggled and smiled, and the whole thing looked like it should have been on a Pampers commercial. I of course was feeling quite pleased with my superior match making abilities, and was just starting to envision what their children would look like when I was jolted back to reality by an indignant shriek. Haily had gotten hold of Corbin’s toy cell phone and he was less than impressed. He lurched forward to reclaim his toy, but I stopped him just in time and moved him out of reach. We repeated this sequence several times until finally it started to sink in that Mommy was trying to teach him the oh so tricky lesson of sharing.

This is when Corbin had his epiphany. Very slowly he stood up, and walked back over to Haily. He gently wrapped his arms around her and laid his head down on her shoulder just as he had done before. But as soon as she released the phone to reciprocate this gesture of affection, Corbin reached down and quietly retrieved his toy, all the while keeping his other arm around her so as not to raise any suspicions. When the hug was over Corbin walked away, cell phone in hand, with a Cheshire cat grin on his face. And poor sweet Hailey just sat there smiling, having no idea that she has just been pick-pocketed. After I got over the initial shock of seeing my one year old son con an innocent young girl, I too had an epiphany. Perhaps Corbin knows what kind of woman is best for him after all. Apparently only a much older, more street smart girl would be able to keep my manipulative little hoodlum in check!

Corbin is screaming in his bed right now. He is on his 13th day of being sick with a virus that turned into a double ear infection, and we are now on antibiotics for the second time in three months. The problems with a sick toddler are many.

1) The snot is everywhere. On his face, on his clothes, on my face, on my clothes. On the furniture, and the carpet and the dog. Its all over the place, and no amount of Lysol spray or Clorox wipes can change it. It is powerful and permeating, and mysterious.

2) Even though I know Corbin is sick, and you know Corbin is sick, there is no way of convincing Corbin that he is sick. Instead he believes that the entire world has just taken an unexplainable turn for the worse, and the only way to counteract it is to push through as if nothing was wrong. He still runs and climbs and plays full force, crying hysterically and oozing disgusting fluids all the while, but playing none the less. That’s right Corbin, don’t cuddle, don’t sleep, don’t even slow down! “Rage rage against the dying of the light!” That’ll show ‘em.

3) Feverish children frighten me, and fear causes me to give into my child’s every desire. “You don’t want to go to sleep? OK honey, we’ll watch Baby Einstein for the 15th time today instead. You don’t want to drink from a cup? OK honey, I’ll give you sugar water in a bottle, that shouldn’t be too hard a habit to kick when you are well again. You don’t want to sit in your high chair? OK honey, I’ll let you wander around the kitchen table begging for bites off of other people’s plates as if you were Helen Keller (pre Annie Sullivan of course). You don’t feel like having your diaper changed? OK honey, you can play with this jar of Vaseline and smear it all over your face and hands to distract you from the fact that you are “letting” me change your bottom. (Oh what a lucky woman I am!) In short, I am creating a tiny, snotty monster. He’s like Napoleon with a cold.

4) As I would prefer not to incur the wrath of my friends, neighbors and countrymen by further infecting the population, we haven’t been able to leave the house for any significant amount of time, or had any healthy socialization in weeks. This makes us both stir crazy. And punchy. And grumpy. And sleepy. And many other dwarfs that shall remain nameless.

5) He’s still screaming, which means that even sick, his resolve is still stronger than mine. This is definitely a problem. And one I guess I should address now.