- There are very few people groups for whom I feel genuine contempt.
- Individuals, well sure. But groups, really very few.
- However, first on this terribly short list is a group of people so diabolical, so horribly inconsiderate, so irritatingly selfish in their attempts as self maintenance, that I can barely speak their name without cringing…
- Yes, that’s right. For as long as I can remember I have hated CYCLISTS with a burning fiery passion.
- My sister once dated a guy whose parents owned and operated a bicycle store and were themselves avid cyclists.
- I found this out after I had gone on a five minute tirade about a troop of spandex wearing, engineless egotists who had reduced my speed to a crawl all the way down Hillsboro road.
- Even after the awkward discovery of the young man’s ties to the cycling community, I made no attempts to retract my statements.
- Thankfully the relationship ended soon after.
- One time I saw a cyclist fall off of his bike while he was impatiently weaving in and out of rush hour traffic.
- He wasn’t hurt or anything, but he looked pretty ridiculous lying motionless on the ground with his feet still on the pedals.
- That was a good day.
- Just today a cyclist got me in trouble with my four year old for ‘talking potty talk.’
- Like I had any other choice when some gauntly skinny dude with shaved legs made my trip down Sneed Road take 20 minutes more than it needed to by riding in the exact center of the lane!
- Of course as is the case with most prejudices, there are certain cyclists who are exempt from my rage.
- For example, any cyclist who is operating his ‘vehicle’ on a bike path, in a park or on a wide shoulder of the road is fine by me.
- But the second he impedes the flow of traffic by veering onto any of the narrow winding roads for which Nashville is notorious….HE”S DEAD TO ME!
- I also hate door to door salesmen, but that’s another tirade for another time.
Engineless Egotists!
July 26th, 2010On a Lazy Saturday Morning…
July 17th, 2010We’ve had a couple of busy weekends in a row. So we are all feeling pretty thankful for an entire day with nothing on the calendar. So far the day has involved a little of this -
Which is a delicious crepe stuffed with grilled onions, bell peppers, artichoke hearts, black olives, pepper jack cheese, and topped with homemade salsa. Chris had the brilliant idea to make crepes because I can’t stomach anything too sweet or greasy in the morning. They were a big hit with the boys as well. Their crepes were filled with peanut butter and jelly and topped with warm syrup.
And a little of that -
This dynamic duo is currently drawing up plans for their daddy’s super hero costume. Apparently his name is going to be Killa-Watt and some sort or lethal light bulb is going to be attached to the top of his head.
Up a Creek
July 14th, 2010Corbin is very into letter sounds lately, which is great because it gives me an opportunity to practice what I’m learning in my balanced literacy course. He has his ‘phonemes’ (individual letter sounds) down, and he is now starting to sound out actual words phonetically. I couldn’t be more proud, especially since the very first word he sounded out was m-o-m. It almost makes up for the fact that he called me daddy for several months when he first learned to talk.
Thankfully, all of his ‘metalinguistic’ progress (thinking about his language) hasn’t stopped him from using certain words completely out of context, and consequently giving us all a good laugh. One of his more commonly misused words these days is ‘recognize.’ As in, “Bennett! Stop recognizing me!” We think he means to say antagonizing, but since he’s not exactly open to correction, its hard to be sure.
Yesterday Corbin came up with my personal favorite when he told me, “I don’t always scratch my bum mom. Its only when my underwear gets stuck up in my creek.” Noting the look of confusion on my face, he turned around, pointed to his backside and announced, “This right here is my creek!”
We’ll put sharing that little quote on the list of things he’ll hold against me when he’s older.
4th Festivities
July 8th, 2010We had an amazing long weekend! We went swimming with friends on Friday, to the zoo with friends on Saturday, and to the best pool/pot luck/fireworks/outdoor movie party ever with family and friends on Sunday. Then Chris and I went away to celebrate our 6 year wedding anniversary in Asheville NC for a few days. Our actual anniversary isn’t until Saturday but I’m in school all day so we won’t really get to see each other.
Here are some pictures from the long weekend.
No goats were actually kissed in the making of this image.
The twins were kind enough to make room for our boys in their patriotic swagger wagon.
Bennett and his namesake chillaxing in the pool.
Me and my sister, aka – our bartender for the night. Blackberry mojitos…mmmmm!
Benny boogies down with our lovely hosts.
Matt and his lovely wives.
The boys getting ready to watch their daddies try to blow their hands off.
All that was missing from Chris’ sparkler dance was a grass skirt and a coconut bra. (heh. Good luck getting that mental image out of your head.)
The one thing we didn’t get pictures of was something that shall henceforth be referred to as ‘the cupcake incident’. My sister made these amazing red velvet cupcakes for the party, and just as I was taking my first bite her boyfriend Luke (who has been waiting for two months to get me back for a terribly minor incident involving a sippy cup) came up behind me and smashed the cupcake into my face. I then chased him around the pool with my nostrils still full of icing and hurled the remainder of my cupcake square into the middle of his back. Seriously, it was beautiful. If cupcakes were bullets, this would have been a kill shot.
The bad news is that since I chose to retaliate, apparently we are still not even for the original sippy cup indiscretion. So now I have to wait again….and according to my sister, it could go on for years. I have to say, I really like this one, but if he weren’t a fair skinned guy from Florida, I would swear he had mafia connection.
Cruel Joke
July 2nd, 2010Bennett has developed a bit of a mean streak lately, as evidenced by his latest knock-knock joke:
Him: Knock-knock.
Me: Who’s there?
Him: Knock-knock?
Me: Who’s there?
Him: (suddenly screaming) STOP TALKIN!!!!
Geekery
July 2nd, 2010- Last night I grabbed a random T-shirt out of Chris’ drawer to sleep in. This morning I woke up and realized I was wearing his “Be nice to me or I’ll sic my ninja monkey’s on you,” shirt.
- On a related note, as of this month we’ve been together for 9 years and married for 6.
- I guess some things were bound to rub off on me eventually.
- I’ve been trying to obey my optometrist’s orders and wear my glasses instead of my contacts at least one day a week.
- Ever the verbal affirmer, Chris has taken to calling me a hot librarian.
- It may be relevant to note here that its been quite a few years since Chris has stepped foot in a library, let alone seen an actual librarian.
- I however have spent considerable amounts of time in various libraries of late.
- So I speak with some authority when I say that him calling me a hot librarian is on par with me calling him ‘the cute guy at the Star Wars convention.’
I AM Iron Man!
June 18th, 2010So I made it through the first day, and I have to say it was pretty wonderful. I am so excited about this opportunity to learn and to grow. Today I find myself in a very peaceful place, which of course makes me want to share a funny picture of my boys 
No Turning Back
June 17th, 2010Its finally here. Today is my first day of school. Everything has been signed, passed and filled out. Now all that’s left to do is figure out where the heck I’m going and try not to throw up. The funny thing is, the rest of the world seems to think that this is a totally normal day!? Like maybe me trying to reactivate my long dormant brain isn’t quite the epic endeavor that I’m making it out to be…..weird.
Just Lay Off
June 14th, 2010I start school this Thursday. To say I’m anxious is an understatement. I haven’t had a good night of sleep in weeks. My dreams range from the extremely violent to the extremely absurd, but they always involve someone being out to get me. And now that paranoid feeling is bleeding over into my waking hours. For example:
- Bennett went pee pee on the potty for the first time last week. He did it at my mom’s house…when I wasn’t there…and he refuses to do it again. Clearly its because he doesn’t like me.
- I went for a walk the other day with the kids and I was convinced that every dog, squirrel and old lady we passed meant us some bodily harm. At one point a van with its doors open was blocking my path. I high tailed it in the other direction, nervously glancing over my shoulder every step of the way.
- Today the washing machine started pouring out black smoke while I was trying to wash a load of the boys’ clothes. Now even our appliances are out to get me!
I’ve had this Bare Naked Ladies song in my head all week:
Get In Line
Everywhere I go someone’s tryin’ to be my girlfriend’s best friend
I’m tryin’ to pretend I’m relaxed but I’m playin’ castanets with my knees
I try to be cool and give her space
But a guy’s always there ready to jump right up and take my place
Everyone in this room seems to want to make a big fool out of me.
Everybody open you’re mouth
Everybody just say ahhhhh (ah ahh ahh ahhhhh)
Everything will be all right
If you play along
Everywhere I go there’s someone in a trench coat staring at me
When I’m not at home I’m sure someone’s rummaging through my trash
Whatever could they want from me
Is it just a part of a giant government conspiracy?
I gotta go see my doctor about this itchy pentagram-shaped rash.
Everybody open you’re mouth
Everybody just say ahhhhh (ah ahh ahh ahhhhh)
Everything will be all right
This won’t hurt at all
Everybody get in line
Everybody turn and cough (cooouuuggghhh)
Everything will be all right
If you just lay off
Dictate a memo to myself
Try to find if I’m the only one in complete health
Consult contemporaries if there’s some to see
There really isn’t anyone who’s in my league
Every night at elaine’s someone thinks they have to find beyond me
I try to take three deep breaths as I lock and arm my mini-van
Everyone says I’m looking great
But it’s hard to stand-up let alone to try to concentrate
I wish that everyone that I knew hadn’t sold out to the man
Everybody open you’re mouth
Everybody just say ahhhhh (ah ahh ahh ahhhhh)
Everything will be all right
This won’t hurt at all
Everybody get in line
Everybody turn and cough (cooouuuggghhh)
Everything will be all right
If you just lay
Everything will be all right
If you just lay
Everything will be all right
If you just lay off
The Eyes Have It
June 11th, 2010The title might suggest that we’ve decided to throw caution to the wind and go to Disney World next month, but that isn’t the case. (A better title if we had decided to go see Mickey might have been “The Ears Have It”…but I digress) About two days into our vacation planning we incurred yet another not fun, unexpected expense. I finally went to the optometrist after neglecting my eyes for about two years. (I did this by making each 1 month pair of contacts last about 3 or 4 months.) So it should come as no great shock that I was told my optic abuse has caused some damage to the inside of my eyelids. The method of damage discovery involved a tiny hook-like instrument that the doctor used to turn my eyelids inside out. I know… EWWWWW!
So $580 later (and yes that’s WITH vision insurance) I have a new kind of contact lens, the first pair of glasses I have owned in 12 years and strict instructions to start giving my poor eyes regular breaks lest I do so much damage that I’ll never be able to wear contacts again. (Oops, my bad.)
When we combined the fact that we are hemorrhaging money with the fact that just about every friend and family member we have lovingly told us we’d be crazy to go to Disney in July, the answer became clear.
We are going to wait until the fall when the weather is cooler, the crowds are smaller and the rates are cheaper. It will involve taking the boys out of preschool for a few days, but with Corbin starting Kindergarten next year it seems like this might be our last year to do something like this. So in the mean time we are looking for a cheap weekend getaway that we can take with my family to break up the oppressive July heat. Any suggestions?